The Perils of a Geocaching Pensioner.

Before I start - What is Geocaching?

Well it's an outdoor activity in which the participants use a (GPS) receiver to hide and seek containers, called "geocaches" or "caches", anywhere in the world. A typical cache is a small waterproof container containing a logbook. Larger containers such as plastic storage containers (tupperware or similar) or ammo boxes can also contain items for trading, usually toys or trinkets of little value. Once you've found it you sign the log and come back and write a note on the computer of your experiences, in my case usually amusing.
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Well if your going to get active in retirement why not do it in a big way, Geocaching has brought me to several new places, Berkeley Hospital, Locking Hill Surgery and my Sisters first aid cabinet, to just mention a few.

I was introduced to Geocaching thanks to a chance word from my Niece, that looks interesting I thought  I just have to use my computer, purchase a hand held GPS and find some good walking boots, what on earth could go wrong. Didn't General Montgomery say that the first day he landed in North Africa to take on Field Marshal Erwin Rommel Afrika Korps.

Accident No. 1

Educated and armed with a proper GPS that I had programmed with the correct co-ordinance, I made for a location in a lane near J12 of the M5. Arriving my GPS directed me towards a field entrance with high hawthorn bushes either side, checking the clue it just said "under a rock". Searching everywhere around the bushes I notice that a ditch extended from a culvert and there was a rock in the bottom. Now for the clumsy bit, stepping into the ditch I found it was deeper than the length of my leg sending me upside down into a stinging nettle patch under a thorn bush. I laid there for a few seconds in a similar position to a dead fly on a window ledge with legs and arms in the air, each movement gave me more painful stings and I had to use the thorn bushes to pull myself out. Once back on Terra-fir-ma I came to two conclusions, first why would they hide a cache in the bottom of a ditch that could fill with water, secondly, with my arms swelling and scratched, why was I wearing a short sleeve shirt for this sport. Yes I found a film canister under a rock that I was stood on above the ditch so after signing the log I retreated to a nearby garden center car park to lick my wounds.

Accident No. 2

A few months in and my confidence showed no bounds as I set off for Uley Bury, a 2500 year old Iron Age Fort. Off I walked around the top rim until I was directed to an overgrown path down the steep side of the Bury. After a short search I found the Tupperware box hidden under logs by a tree on the steepest part of the slope, so after completing the log signing I turned to go back down the slope using a branch above me to steady my descent. I now realise that a small twig verses a large lady just doesn't work as with the sound of a loud snap I was sent face first down the slope doing an impression of Tom Daly diving off the top diving board at the Olympics. I wasn't certain whether I was alive or dead for some time and wondered if I would be found in such a remote area, fortunately I came round to my senses and after finding that all I had broken was a tree branch and my pride I made my way back to sanctuary of Harris my Yaris about a mile away.

Accident No. 3 - Major

There had been a few minor incidence such as leaping backwards over a stile to avoiding some very frisky horses near Oakridge and getting jammed in a kissing gate in Avening, but nothing came near to the moment I needed help in December 2009. I was bored at home and although it was very cold and drizzling I set off for a large orchard near Cam & Dursley. Within  50yds of my walk I had to turn down a slope when my left leg slipped forward and my right leg went backwards underneath me. I never knew that my heel could touch the back of my head, perhaps I should have taken up yoga, as I felt a terrific tearing sensation in my right thigh.

I landed in a small water and mud filled gully by a bush and knew I was in trouble needing the emergency services and maybe due to my weight "Sparrows Crane Hire". Fortunately I had charged my mobile and after the 999 call I was put through to the ambulance service where the fun started. Firstly they must have been in Outer Mongolia having never heard of the towns and village where I was, couldn't locate the road where I was parked and told me to stay by my phone and they would ring back, I wasn't actually thinking of going anywhere else at the time.They said that a paramedic was trying to find me, I had a brainwave and using my GPS I gave them the exact position where I was. The next comment was unbelievable, "Sorry we can't use that, do you know the postcode?", I.was in the middle of the countryside for gods sake.

It took 2 hours to locate me, find a spare ambulance and take me to Berkeley Hospital where, after the ambulance crew had left, decided I shouldn't have been taken there in the first place. To be fair to the staff they were brilliant and after 6 hours of tests and x-rays it was found that I had no broken bones but torn the ligaments in my right thigh.

The farce of the hospital and the journey home is another very funny story to be told later, needless to say that my family went berserk regarding pensioners and going out, but I haven't taken up card making or knitting yet. 10 months on and I have completed almost another 100 caches abet with a very wonky leg.

To be continued, be warned.