The Art of becoming a Pensioner - Driving

I know I don't have to give you pensioners any advice on driving, we all know that you have been doing it for 40 or 50 years, so experienced, and in fact some of you didn't have to take a test at all because there wasn't one in those early days. Some of you even drove tanks in the war so why should you need more lessons on driving a car. Just remember, if you hear anyone sounding their horns at you, or giving a nice little gesture with their hands or fingers it's just them showing how much they appreciate your wonderful driving skills.

There are just a few rules that, as a pensioner, you must apply to your driving, just to let everyone else know you had all those many years driving from A to B. OK you might have gone the long way through Z, but it's not your fault that the 1956 AA map was slightly out of date, plus reading it with a magnifying glass whilst navigating a roundabout is quite difficult.

You must maintain a steady 20 miles an hour at all times and your soon get a good following of fans desperate to see how it's done. Just glance in your mirror and you will see how friendly they all are as they wave to you. The only time you can increase this speed is when tackling one of those new motorways, slowly increase to 40 miles an hour and stay in the center lane as there will be plenty of space all around you there. Again everyone will want to wave to you, so let them go by but give them one of those new 2 fingered gestures that you have learnt from the kids, they will love it.

Driving can be very tiring at your age, especially motorways, so if you need a snooze or a picnic the hard shoulder is just the place, that's the one on your far left, it's never used  and only the odd policeman may want to join you for a quick chat.

If you really want to meet other people whilst driving in towns and cities, continue to do that trick of going the wrong way down one way streets. Yes I know it's a new idea to you and very annoying that others don't want to go in the same direction as you, at least other drivers will get out and give you a greeting you will always remember. Please don't try this tactic at night as it might dent your 1952 Morris Minor Countryman Estate you've had from new.

Another good way to meet your fellow motorists is when using supermarket car parks, just park with your car just a few inches from the next drivers door. There will be plenty of space for you to get out on your side and if you take your time shopping there should be someone waiting to pass the time of day with you.

Whatever you do behind the wheel always remember you are the one with all that experience and other drivers should just get out of the way because they don't know what they are doing.